I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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