So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
