I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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