Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
