Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
