By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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