life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
