I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think i have two assholes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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