I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
