He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
