The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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