if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
