I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
