When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
