Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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