please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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