no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
