It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
