But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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