Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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