When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
