Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
