i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
