I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
