You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
