Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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