listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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