i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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