bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
