dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
