just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
