We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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