Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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