Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
where am i from again
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
