I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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