The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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