Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
