I accidentally had phone sex last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
