Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
