My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
