so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
