I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
