Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
