Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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