Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
