I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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