2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
