spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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