If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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