i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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