Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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