batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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