I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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